By Lindsey Redfern // Guest Writer
Jessica is a birth mother who placed her baby for adoption while using the adoption resources available to her through Adoption.org. She recently shared how she chose the family she placed her baby with. We also asked her to share any adoption advice she has for families who are hoping to adopt.
When I was searching for the right family for my baby, I came across a photo of this couple and was immediately drawn to them. They had already adopted and that child is biracial—my baby was going to be as well. That photo spoke to me. I felt they had no set standards on a desired race of their adopted children as a lot of couples do. To me, it showed that their love for a child was unconditional, which is how I think it should be. I reached out to contact them and a few more couples. Melissa, my case worker, was the first to respond. I immediately liked her; she is a wonderful person. With Melissa’s support, we began talking via email to the people who would soon become my baby’s adoptive parents. I didn’t have a desire to get to know more couples because I felt it all happened just the way God planned.
People like the family I chose for my baby have given my children what I desired for them yet couldn’t provide, based on different events and a less-than-normal life in my upbringing. How can I provide them with what they deserve but yet I have never experienced a normal life free of struggle or chaos? I appreciate adoptive families’ unconditional for a precious baby.
Adoption to me is a blessing. My children will have opportunities that I could never give. Yet it doesn’t make me a failure. In fact, I’m the complete opposite! I unselfishly chose what was best for them. I don’t have any regrets except within my life choices.
I have a few pieces of adoption advice for families who are hoping to adopt.
- Always be who you are and your values and love will shine through—that which makes things very clear for a birth mom.
- If one door closes, don’t give up or get discouraged. Be patient.
- Be cautious, as everyone is not genuine. I never really understood this, but I have heard things about people preying on families and their love for an innocent child. Don’t get discouraged, but be cautious.
- Try to understand why birth moms are placing. This will help you understand your child’s birth mom better.
- Families who adopt and birth moms share a huge common interest, and that common interest is what’s best for this child. Keep that in mind as you begin your relationship.
Hoping to adopt and have more questions? Check out the Questions and Answers for Adoptive Parents section.
Lindsey Redfern is an adoptive mom to five beautiful children and blogs about her personal adoption journey at The R House.