Adopted Not Abandoned | The Opinion of an Adoptive Mom


My Road to Motherhood

A Story From an Adoptive Mom

By Lauren Madsen // Adoptive Mom

Becoming a mom has always been a dream of mine. Unfortunately my journey to motherhood was not as easy as I once imagined. Infertility, four pregnancies, three miscarriages, and a stillborn son were my introduction to motherhood. Shopping for strollers, cribs, and nursery decorations turned into picking out a design for a headstone. My dream of bringing a baby home slowly began to slip away. My nights were spent in an empty nursery, crying for the babies that never came home. Eventually I packed up the baby blankets, the outfits, the toys, the books, and I put them in the basement. This all changed because of one incredibly selfless woman.

After years of loss and disappointment, we got the call notifying us that we were about to become parents again, but this time we would get to bring a baby home.

Adoption Placement and Goodbye’s

Hospital machines beeped and hummed. My husband had just buckled our newborn son, Baby K, into the car seat and I turned to face our son’s birth mother. I had been dreading this moment. After twenty weeks, hundreds of text messages, phone calls, photos, Wednesday doctor’s appointments and lunches, it came down to this moment. This was goodbye, and as a adoptive mom, I knew this would be the toughest part. We wrapped our arms around each other and tears flowed unrelenting. “Please give him extra kisses from me and let him know that I love him,” she said. “I promise,” I whispered. We held each other for another moment before letting go and my husband and I walked away from the hospital with our beautiful baby boy.

Adoption Is Love– Not Abandonment

As an adoptive mother, I occasionally run into individuals who refer to adoption as abandonment. The idea that my son was “abandoned” could not be farther from the truth. What Baby K’s birth mom did choose was to place her son in a home with parents who were in a place to provide emotional and fiscal needs that she was currently unable to provide herself. Every choice she made during her pregnancy was made with his best interest in mind. I have nothing but respect and love for my son’s birth mother for making the incredibly difficult decision to choose an adoption plan. In fact, I’m reminded of the quote by C.S. Lewis that seems to encompass her sacrifice all too well:

“Love is unselfishly choosing for another’s highest good.”

This kind of love is exactly how my husband and I came to be parents to our little boy. Each birth parent has different reasons for choosing adoption, but every birth parent I have ever spoken to has expressed that choosing adoption was not because they did not love the child they placed. In fact, they chose adoption because of how much they love their child. They interviewed hopeful adoptive parents, they spent nights lying awake wondering what to do, they prayed and they cried. They played every scenario out in their head and they chose the scenario that they felt was best for their child, even if it is painful for them. Please, remember these things before you refer to adoption as abandonment.

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