Preparing for a new member of the family is an exciting time, and there is usually a long list of tasks that have to be completed. Sometimes in the hussle, the preparation of other children in the family can be overlooked. While much of the preparation for a new sibling is the same, whether through adoption or birth, there can be some important differences too.
As you are preparing for your adoption, learning about the issues, challenges and blessings of adoption for yourself, incorporate this learning into your family conversations. Be sure to spend time as a family talking about what does adoption mean, what are some of the things you are learning about your specific type of adoption. Share honest and real information in an age appropriate manner. Make adoption a comfortable topic of conversation in your home, and encourage your children to ask questions or express concerns they might have about adopting. Find time to ask their opinions and make sure to create an environment where they feel safe sharing their feelings.
When you are busy slogging away at the paperwork, involve your other children. Maybe they can help you mail documents or check the mail for something important to arrive. Maybe they can help you find and gather important pieces of paperwork that are required, like birth certificates. The more they feel involved and like they are contributing to the process, the better!
There are some fun and exciting activities that happen when you are preparing your home for a new sibling. This might include getting a bedroom ready, rearranging rooms to meet the needs of everybody or adding additional furniture to accommodate your growing family. Children may have opinions or ideas that are important to listen to, and they can be excited to help with painting or arranging things differently. You can include them in the shopping for needed items as well.
Any major life change comes with lots of decision making. What decisions can your children weigh in on? It’s important for your children to feel validated and heard, and asking what your children think and listening to their opinions is an important way to do that. They may have opinions about names, decor, activities to engage in all together, and planning important family events. Give them some age appropriate responsibility, and talk openly about what will change for the family after this placement, and emphasize what won’t change after the addition of another child or children.
One challenge children can face is knowing how to talk to other kids and adults about adoption. People are curious and often ask questions (sometimes invasive). Have frequent conversations about how to set boundaries with questions, teaching positive adoption language, and supporting them in answering questions in a comfortable manner.
Above all, continue to engage in regular rituals your family has already established. This reinforces stability and normalcy for your children. Help your children to understand that while the adoption represents a big change for the family, they are still important members of the family and their needs will still be met. If your children are struggling to adjust to the significant changes that can come with adoption, don’t hesitate to reach out for help!
